my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
