its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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