My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
