I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
