eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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