id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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