i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
