she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
