I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
