Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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