Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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