Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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