i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
