So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
