I just cut my nipple shaving
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
