I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
