I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
soo... how was my night?
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