now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
