You're my little dorito
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize