OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
