At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
