What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
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Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.