the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.