I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him