My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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