omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
