Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I pour the whiskey from now on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?