I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
