he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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