Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
