awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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