A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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