what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
