OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
