so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
