Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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