fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
