I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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