Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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