You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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