Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
