this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
