I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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