where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
