yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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