sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
