better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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