I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
