Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
