so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
