Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
