id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
