I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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