Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
