Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
