This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
