i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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