i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
