the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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