Too much gin, very little bucket
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
