Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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