i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
