I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
True strength comes from lack of pants
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
