do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
